My Paradox Prayer...And Jill

My spiritual mentor introduced me to the concept of the paradox prayer early in our sessions together.  This prayer is something designed to bring us back to the Truth vs. our own human inclinations towards self-destructive behavioral patterns, thoughts and feelings about ourselves.  It's something I have struggled with from the beginning - this admittance of your deepest fears spoken out loud; your worst thoughts/feelings about yourself in conjunction with how God sees these fears and how He sees you.  The end result can bring hope and clarity, but the process is painful.

Jill meets with the same spiritual mentor I do and I have always found it liberating and helpful beyond words that we can speak the same language in this way and help point each other towards Truth in our struggles.  Jill loves the paradox prayer and has an easier time wrapping her head around the premise of it than I do.  But it wasn't always this way for her.  I was sitting across the table from her yesterday morning and asked her how she would explain the paradox prayer to someone who knew nothing about it.  She said something like this...

The paradox prayer is just that - a paradox.  It's bringing into the Light things we fear we are or fear we will become.  Directly after stating out loud said fear, we make a statement - a true statement...that God loves and accepts us in spite of this fear and that because of this, we love and accept ourselves as well.  She used an example of one of my fears - "Even though I am unlovable, God loves and accepts me.  Even though I am unlovable, I love and accept myself."

I countered - "But deep down I don't think that I am unlovable.  It seems like you are promoting negative self-talk in the paradox prayer and it makes you feel bad.  Can't you say, even if I am unlovable...?"

She explained that the words someone chooses for their paradox prayer are deep fears, and that even if deep down we don't believe that theses words we choose are true about ourselves, the fact that we think them on some logical level means that it is something we believe or fear to be true.  Therefore, it is important that we speak them in a "worst case scenario" context in order for the paradox prayer to bring true freedom.  The prayer brings you out of human emotion and fear and forces you to focus on the only thing that really matters - how God sees you.  Nothing else matters.  We should all see ourselves and each other in this way.  It brings security, freedom and hope and enables us to view ourselves and those around us in a healthy way.

Thanks, Jill.  So, this one is for God, myself and Jill...

Even though I am unlovable, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am unlovable, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am insecure, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am insecure, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am abandoned, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am abandoned, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am worthless, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am worthless, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am discarded, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am discarded, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am brokenhearted, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am brokenhearted, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am weak and needy, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am weak and needy, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am pathetic, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am pathetic, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am broken, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am broken, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am insignificant, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am insignificant, I love and accept myself.

Even though my self-worth is centered in all the wrong places and people, God loves and accepts me.
Even though my self-worth is centered in all the wrong places and people, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am alone, God loves and accepts me.
Even though I am alone, I love and accept myself.

And then from the emptiness of my broken soul and spirit He said to me,

Nothing else matters but My love for you and how I view you.  People have a choice.  How they view you will not always be accurate.  Their choices to love you or reject you are their own and about them; not you.  I love you endlessly.  You are perfect and blameless.  I want your whole heart.  I want you to trust Me and put your hope in Me and Me alone.  I will heal you.  I am enough.  It doesn't matter to Me that you are not unlike one of My calves learning to walk for the millionth time on wobbly, unstable legs.  I am so very proud of you.  I will show you My heart if you chase after Me as I continue to chase after you.  I am not afraid of baby steps.  We will get there together if you let Me in.  Trust Me, Jamie.  Trust Me.  I will not fail you and desire to show you unspeakably beautiful things about My heart and your own.  I know you are terrified but I promise I will always love you and will never leave you.  Move forward with confidence.  You are mine.


And I whispered "thank you" through my tears.